


The Syrup Baron’s Son

by Metal_Chocobo



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Canada, Crack, Fairy Tale Style, Kidnapping, M/M, Minnesota Wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 15:18:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1433227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metal_Chocobo/pseuds/Metal_Chocobo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time  Darcy Kuemper was the heir to a mighty syrup baron.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Syrup Baron’s Son

Once upon a time there was a young boy named Darcy Kuemper. He was the only child and heir to a mighty syrup baron. Darcy’s childhood was ideal except for the kidnappings. Despite extensive self-defense training he was so very Canadian that he was too polite to use it against the kidnappers. This was unfortunate because Darcy was kidnapped on a regular basis. Luckily his family was rich so they were always able to pay the ransom, but Darcy did rather wish his family would consider investing in his escape artistry skills. Still, the Kuempers were a very happy Canadian family.

Sadly, shortly after Darcy’s eighteenth birthday his wonderful parents perished in a syrup fire. Not only was Darcy wracked with grief over the loss of his wonderful parents, he was still considered a minor under Canadian law. Until his nineteenth birthday both Darcy and his family’s company were subjected to an evil regent. This regent made it very clear that he did not actually care about Darcy’s safety and would not pay the ransom the next time Darcy was kidnapped.

As Darcy did not particularly want to die, and was still very Canadian, he decided to hire outside help. He hired a fast talking AMERICAN mercenary named Jason Zucker to be his bodyguard until his nineteenth birthday. As he was considered an adult in the United States Darcy signed his contract with Jason Zucker there because he was a law abiding Canadian citizen and legality was important to him.

So, when Canadian Terrorist Mike Yeo kidnapped Darcy and the evil regent refused to pay Jason Zucker leaped into action. He beat Canadian Terrorist Mike Yeo with fancy AMERICAN kung fu and swept Darcy away on his badass AMERICAN motorcycle into the Canadian sunset. Also, to deter any other kidnappers from kidnapping Darcy, Jason Zucker had Canadian Terrorist Mike Yeo’s headquarters firebombed.

For the rest of that last year of Darcy’s minority no other kidnapper tried to kidnap him. Upon his nineteenth birthday Darcy fired the evil regent and took the reigns of his syrup barony to put it back on the righteous Canadian path. Darcy then proposed to Jason Zucker because they had fallen in love over the course of that year while Jason Zucker taught Darcy how to escape from handcuffs, straightjackets, and really tight knots. They got married on July 4th because gay marriage was totally a thing they could do in Canada and Jason Zucker was an AMERICAN giving up his AMERICAN citizenship to become a Canadian for his wonderful syrup baron, Darcy Kuemper.

They lived happily ever after.

The End.


End file.
